Sometimes they get to me. Answering my phone at work today reveals a familiar voice. Raina calls me every other month to see if we can help her again or if I happen to know of any new places she can apply for help paying her natural gas bill.

Let me give you some background: In Iowa (and perhaps in many states, although not Illinois), the state Utility Board mandates that all electric and natural gas companies must respect the Winter Moritorium period of November 1 - April 1. During this time the companies are not allowed to shut off utility service for non-payment for any household approved for the Federal Low-Income Home Energy Assistance Program (LIHEAP). As the title suggests, this is a federally subsidized payment to heating companies for low-income families, which I facilitate for my county. It's a one-time payment for the year, usually in the neighborhood of $200 dollars/family. Our agency and the utility companies stress to these approved families that if they don't pay a dime all winter, it will catch up to them in April and their service will likely be cut off as soon after April 1st as the company can get a person out there. Still, we have a couple families that always seem surprized to open their mail on some chilly late-March day and see a big, red, 12-day notice of pending disconnection.

Don't get me wrong. Out of the 909 families I approved for the assistance program last winter, only a handfull, for one reason or another, bring in the big huge $1,000+ gas and electric bill and expect me to work some magic and plead to the utility for their pardon. Outside of the winter moritorium I do get about $1,000 a month of emergency money to help prevent disconnection of gas/electric service or to help reconnect service. Raina is one of these people that calls me up this past April, and our agency, along with 3 other local organizations, whittled her bill down so she could go back to making budgetted payments of $200/month. She calls me today, now the middle of August to see if she's eligible for that help again. Technically, I'm allowed to help a family with up to $500.00 of emergency money each year (the cap is $200 per crisis). There are so many families in need of these funds throughout the year that I really don't like to approve the same family for help more than once a year because that's basically taking that money from a new family who's bound to come in tomorrow: a woman who's partner took off and left her with all the bills, a man who just got laid off from his unskilled job of 22 years, a college student who's trying to make it on their own, but is learning from their mistakes. I just can't reason spending another $200 on the same family, who never seems to achieve anything resembling self-sufficiency, where every month is a crisis, no matter how many times I help them out, year after year. And for this I feel bad. I don't know that my judgement would make sense to Raina, when her baby's on a nebulizer, and her husband's still laid off, and there's a problem with her welfare check... So I lie. Sort of. I tell her we can't help now (but I don't offer when she would be elligible again.) I guess it's not really a lie since I kind of make the rules. But, I've made exceptions for other people. A particular former staff member has been helped three times this year, though I was upset about that (I was out of the office and our director made that decision; if it was up to me, I wouldn't have done it).

Am I a scrooge? I am a bit of a tightwad with my emergency money. It breaks my heart to have to turn away an old farm widow who's traveled 20 miles in the middle of July for help on her $50 electric bill because I spent my last $200 for the month on a repeat family. I'm realizing that my reasoning probably makes perfect sense to you. Those welfare queens and all their sick children. Why don't they get a job, quit smoking, and stop making babies?

The thought wanders into my head some days too... but then I see Jennifer and her two little boys. She works down at the Taco John's. She makes too much now to qualify for welfare payments, no food stamps, no child care assistance, no LIHEAP anymore. But you can tell it's hard... She comes in for food every now and again (no income requirements here for a food pantry) when shifts are low. Maybe she could go back to school and get a better job. But then, who would make your tacos?