Stelle, rhymes with bell

Friends, Tasha and Ryan, came to visit last weekend thanks to Amtrak. They were the most gracious guests. Visiting during the week, they entertained themselves while spouse and I worked. Pleasant interactions came naturally as we shared time between talking, shopping, cooking, dining, washing what seemed to be endless dishes, and walking around the property, dodging poison ivy in my sandals. Friday evening we rendezvoused in Monmouth and all rode together to the city, home for them (for the moment) and a weekend visit for us.

For some reason, I was surprised at how unforced it felt to have other people around. When we spend any time with the aunt and uncle next door, it always seems awkward. I think I wind up avoiding them as much as possible just because the tension feels so unpleasant. Maybe it’s because T&R are old friends, none of the four of us are particularly shy and our senses of propriety are in sync, and we know each other’s idiosyncrasies enough to function together effectively.

It really makes me miss friends. I really don’t have any friends around. My coworkers are great. The in-laws are wonderful. There’s something about peers though that I miss. Not just any peers, ones like me: young grown-up, pre-kids, intelligent, unpredictable enough to be fun, yet dependable for the most part and easy to be around.

After a brief Chicago visit, we went down t0 Stelle, IL. This town is not on any maps as it’s unincorporated, though Google maps puts it in Cabery. It’s nearest Kempton, IL, about half-way between Chicago and Champaign-Urbana and is an intentional community in rural Ford county founded “in order to create a supportive environment where individual human development would be a foremost priority…a common theme of sustainability demonstrates itself through renewable energy applications as well as organic gardening and landscaping activities.” We had a great time staying at the B&B down the mile and trading knowledge with the co-owner about beekeeping.

Our visit to Stelle, along with T&R’s visit, got me thinking more about community. Was the ease with which we coexisted for a few days with our two friends because it was known to be temporary? Why does being gracious, adaptable, and acquiescent come with greater ease with those we know the least?

One of the fears I think people have when thinking about living more in community with other people is risking the loss of their independence. Our mentality is that we want to do what we want to do exactly when we want to do it and not have to bother with talking to other people. We don’t want to explain ourselves and justify our actions. The truth is, we rarely get our way as it is. There are so many obligations like work and caring for family members, and tending to our home to which we’ve already become accustomed. Couldn’t we just become accustomed to living with more people around, to communicating more effectively, growing up and realizing we just can’t do whatever we want to do all the time, that there are implications for generations to come if we keep living this way?

Another fear of community I think is of the tragedy of the commons. Sharing more space and property means things wear out faster, or get damaged and broken. We don’t want anyone messing with our stuff. Our “tour guide” at Stelle addressed this concern by admitting that, yes, things do need to be replaced and repaired more often when they are shared, but it’s a small price to pay for the vast waste of resources in everyone having their own personal set of power tools, for example. Stelle has a nice balance of community and personal space and responsibility. Everyone maintains their own residence of choice. The utilities are community owned, but everyone pays depending on their own usage. When the bandwidth on the community ISP started to get stressed out, the administrator pinpointed the hogs and talked to the individual users and worked it out. Everybody wins.

Crime and mental illness is on the rise in America, according to some biased websites with which I just did a quick reference. Community, intentional relationships, more communication will save us, not necessarily more cops and prisons and prescription drugs. Yes, these things have their place and are helpful to some people, but I think as a whole, relationships with other people are what make the world go around. Imagine how dangerous a gang of sustainability gurus could be!

By the way, Stelle’s only crimes are occasional vandalism and general rowdiness perpetrated by bored teenagers in the nearby rural communities. Since Stelle only has one road in and out, residents barricade the exit with a couple cars, call law enforcement and request that instead of prosecution, the kids help weed the streets and perform other community service tasks.